When I look in the mirror what do I see? Today, I see past reflections of me. The me that cries in the bathroom on my lunch break because I can’t understand why I don’t know why I’m crying. I see the hurt from so long ago still etched around my eyes and coursing through my veins. I see the me I’m pretending to be today. The raw me that can’t hide behind MAC make-up me. The happy go lucky, willing to help everyone through their issues, smiling on the outside me. The can’t wait until 4:30 so that I can get the hell out of here me. The juggling school and work and a book tour me. I see Anna J, the book writer with writers block me. I see the me that wants to be loved by my family, and can’t understand the hate. I see the me that has made so many mistakes. I see the me that’s scared to be me around me. I see the me that needs a hug.
When I look in the mirror what do I see? Today, I see the still a little girl me. The me that likes to watch cartoons and dance in the mirror to my favorite song me. The me that never had a childhood, and still trying to make up for it me. The me that loves a sexy high heel and little black dress me. The me that wishes I could go back to the beginning and start from scratch, but the me that knows I needed that experience to be where I am now. The me that still likes cold cereal for breakfast. The me that wishes I could just finally hit the Power Ball me. The me that appears to be fearless, but on the inside is scared of the unknown me.
When I look in the mirror what do I see? Today, I see the me that has lost too many loved ones to name. I see the me that doesn’t know how to handle the pain or if I even want to. I see the me that is really shy but no one knows it. I see the me that still gets nervous after all this time when I have to speak in front of an audience. I see the me that’s still vulnerable and open and scared to let anybody in. I see the me that wishes I knew my real father, but thanks God for the father figure he put in my life. I see the me that has so much to say, but when I say it, it doesn’t come out right or at all. I see the me that is ready for change.
When I look in the mirror what do I see? Today, I see the accomplished me. The me that has taken life by the horns and can ride out the storm me. The me that makes it happen without waiting on anybody me. The me that knows God’s plans for me are already written me. The me that has nothing to prove me. The me that knows I can do everything I set out to do me. The me that feels in control me. The me that can wipe away the tears and pull it together me, if only for the moment. The me that’s not afraid to smile me. I see the role model me. The girl that made it out of the hood me. The me that can accomplish anything!
Anna J, bestselling author of My Woman, His Wife and Snow White, has been a heavy hitter for six years in the book business. With gritty street tales such as Get Money Chicks and erotic short stories like “A Crime of Passion” (appearing in the spring 2010 anthology Bedroom Chronicles) Anna is a versatile storyteller who has become a household name. A Philadelphian, born and raised, she proudly writes about her city. Anna, fondly referred to by her friends as Ms. J, is excited about the release of her sixth novel Hell’s Diva, due fall 2010. She is hard at work on her next book.
© 2013, Shalena D.I.V.A.- Author| Speaker| Life And Business Coach. All rights reserved.