The Final Decision
It’s been over two years since I found out about my husband’s kids on the side. While anger, resentment, dishonesty, and lack of loyalty have clouded my soul, I’m finally able to forgive. Many of my friends and family have made comments like: “Girl, you’re crazy for staying” or “I would have left him as soon as I found out.” What I have learned through this entire ordeal is that it’s easy for people to tell you what to do when they’re not in your shoes. And while they are telling me to leave, they are dealing with issues in their own relationship that they wouldn’t dare tell you about.
I stayed with Troy because I loved him. It has not been easy with the constant harassment, child support court, and just the everyday trials of being a married couple, but we survived. While Troy is certainly not perfect, he has matured and realizes his mistakes. I remember one day we were riding home from a child support hearing and he turned and said to me, “Babe, I’m so sorry I put you through this. It was the dumbest thing I ever did in my life.” While a part of me wanted to jump right in and say, I know you big dummy. I remained silent and listened.
I still have limited contact with his family as I feel that a lot of Troy’s poor decision making and ill way of thinking was instilled in him by his parents. I have respect for them, but I do not agree with their family values and therefore, I limit the time I or my son spends around them. Troy and I started a family of our own. My son is the light of my life.
As far as the other children are concerned: Troy and I have no contact with them. For one, Shanice made it perfectly clear that she did not want another woman in her children’s life and the constant drama is just not worth it to us. The one time he did try to have a relationship with his children and kept them for the weekend, she notified DHS and filed abuse reports when they returned home claiming that the children had bruises on them among other things. After this incident, Troy made it perfectly clear to her that he didn’t want to be a part of their lives if she would do devilish things like this when he was trying to be a father. He would rather just pay his child support as instructed by the courts and be left alone.
Many people think that I am the reason why he made the decision and they are clearly wrong. As I have had time to dig deeper into Troy’s family dynamics, I have learned that having children on the side is very common in his family. His brother had several children outside his relationship and no one acknowledges them. He simply refers to them as “Gerber Babies” and refuses to pay support.
I have told Troy while he has decided to not deal with them, he will tell our son about them when he turns sixteen. I want him to tell our son about the entire ordeal and acknowledge the wrong in what he did and let him know that it is not okay for a man to treat a woman like that. I also want to give my son the choice of dealing with his siblings if he wants to and by his own terms.
The drama still continues; however, it’s not as intense as it was once before. Instead of sugar being put in the tank, we get flattened tires here and there-mostly around holidays. I don’t react as I would have a year ago. I just pray for God to give me strength. While our decisions may have not been the best in other’s eyes, they were the best for our family.
I would like to thank ShalenaD.I.V.A for the opportunity to share my story with others. Questions are welcomed at this time as I did not get a chance to tell the entire story-this is just a mere snippet.
© 2015, Shalena D.I.V.A.- Author| Speaker| Life And Business Coach. All rights reserved.