Growing up as a little girl I never really dreamed of being married. I mean I thought about it when I watched movies like Cinderella. However, I wasn’t fixated on it. As I grew and matured it was only then that I desired to be married. I had two children by the time I was 23-years-old. Things didn’t work out with their fathers. It’s funny even while dating these two men I didn’t think of being married. After things didn’t work out with neither of them I found myself in a couple different relationships. For 9 years I was single, not in a committed relationship as I was very careful with whom I would bring around my children. It wasn’t until I turned about 28-years-old that I began thinking about becoming someone’s wife. Ironically this is when I rededicated my life back to Christ. During the 9 year period of my singleness I looked for love in all the wrong places, especially in men and material items. I can remember longing to be in a committed relationship that would ultimately result in marriage. I settled for less than what I was worth while searching. I allowed men to mistreat, manipulate, use and emotionally abuse me. Please note I said I “allowed.” Often times we as women place the blame on the men we deal with. We fail to take responsibility for our own actions. I truly believe that if I knew who I was and what I possessed then I would not have found myself in the same jacked up situation time after time. I settled because I didn’t know my worth and aptitude. I settled because I thought that I was okay with being called “a friend.” Most of all I fooled myself into thinking it was okay because after all I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship.

 One particular relationship stands out. I was involved in an on-again off-again relationship with a gentleman I’ll refer to as Malcolm for 13 years. We met at a Biggie Smalls concert at the Spectrum. I was very much attracted to him. We began spending a lot of time together. Over the years no matter who we were dealing with we always dealt with one another because after all we were not in a committed relationship with each another. He had a couple of children during our relationship. He was disrespectful when it came to other woman. He knew or thought that I would always be there no matter what he did. At the time this was true because no matter what he did I was always there for him. I found myself doing things with and for him that I said I would never do in life. I didn’t know my worth, therefore; I found myself in situations that didn’t reflect who I truly was. I thought that I would never be able to stay away from Malcolm. Every single time I got enough courage up to say “no” he would say something slick and there I was again falling for it. I can recall one day I prayed and asked God to please help me get away from this man. Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. Be prepared to act on it. The very next week one of my girlfriends came by to visit. We hadn’t seen each other in a couple of months. We talked for a while and as she was leaving she said: “Oh I knew it was something I had to tell you! Malcolm has a baby on the way.” My heart stopped. I was flabbergasted! I was sad, hurt, angry, and I felt so stupid! That evening I went out with Malcolm only to give him the opportunity to tell me. He never said a word about it. I eventually asked him about it at the end of the evening. “Yes, it’s true,” he said, “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to mess things up between us.” I could not believe what I heard. However, the relationship continued on for a few more years after that.

God showed me many times that Malcolm was not the man for me. I held on to him because our relationship was comfortable. I was okay with seeing him after 10:00 pm in the evening. I was okay with creeping when he wanted to be bothered with me. Funny thing is he didn’t want to leave me alone either. See he could count on me. I didn’t argue and fuss with him like his girlfriend did. I believe that he saw the God in me even when I didn’t or couldn’t see God in myself. Although Malcolm probably didn’t know it was God he saw in me, he knew it was something different about me that he didn’t want to let go of. That’s why its important for you to know whose you are and who you are.

 In July of 2008 a gentleman from my past began to show an interest in me. Shortly after this guy took an interest in me, I knew that Malcolm and I had no future and was able to finally let him go. I wanted to give this gentleman a fair chance. I’ve known this gentleman for a little over 14 years. He and I worked together for about 5 years. We were always friends, more like brother and sister because we bickered a lot. Even after he left the place we worked at, we stayed in contact with one another. We would meet for lunch. I would see him here and there. We would talk about our relationships and I would ask him why he wasn’t married yet. He was such a good guy. He kept a decent job, he and his mother had a great relationship, and he had no children. He was a good catch for someone other than me. In July of 2008 I invited him to church, he obliged. I was very surprised to see him walking through the doors of the church. I spoke with him the very next week while he was away for business. Seemingly out of nowhere, I received a text from him and it said: “I want you to become Mrs. White”. I thought it was a joke, I thought he may have sent the text to the wrong person. But it wasn’t a joke. The text was sent to the right person, me. As I sat there many feelings went through my mind. I didn’t look at him in this way. We were friends and that was it. He wasn’t what I wanted in a man. I had this ideal man in my head and he didn’t fit the script. A couple of weeks went by and I said why not, why not give him a chance? I’ve given all the other knuckleheads a chance. What have I got to lose?

 From the very beginning of our relationship I explained to him my stance on pre-marital sex: no sex before marriage. You see, after I got over Malcolm, I decided to save myself for the man God wanted me to be with. It was a process, but God kept me. We talked about our goals with the relationship. We both wanted to be married. I talked about how important my children were to me and how they played a vital role in the decisions I make in my life because ultimately they would be affected by these decisions. There were many other things we talked about that were very important to the growth of the relationship. We began to date publically. We dated publically because I didn’t want to place myself in any compromising situations that could lead to me compromising my beliefs. He agreed and was okay with it. He never once questioned me nor did he put me down for my beliefs. I was finally being treated like the woman I am. I knew that my worth was far more precious than rubies. I finally got a glimpse of my true worth. When a man knows your worth he respects you. He doesn’t misuse or abuse you. He opens doors for you. He respects your thoughts and views. He doesn’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. He honors, supports, and cares kindly for you. When a man recognizes your worth he esteems anything you esteem including your children whether you have 1 or 5 children. When he accepts you, he accepts your child/children. It was very important that he accepted my children because we would not have had a future if he didn’t. That’s what you call an honorable man. One who sees you and your children as one.

 When I recognized his worth I said I’m not letting this one go….I married him on March 13, 2010. Turns out he wasn’t what I wanted, he is what I need. Amongst the many things that set him apart from the others I dated was that he didn’t pressure me to compromise my beliefs and most importantly he accepts me for me and he loves my children as his own. I’ve been married two months now and he hasn’t changed, he still opens doors for me and he respects, honors and celebrates me. When you’re in a relationship like that you’re not afraid to reciprocate what is given to you. I honor and celebrate him today. Truly God is good and he knows exactly what we need. Sometimes I just stare at my husband in amazement…who would have known? God Knew!!!

 Remember,

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)

Ladies stop looking for a man, allow him to find you.

 Be Blessed,

EB White

Elaine Broaster-White is the mother of two wonderful, intelligent children and the wife of the most perfect husband, whose absolutely perfect for her. But most importantly she is a child of the King, the most High God, Jesus Christ.

© 2015, Shalena D.I.V.A.- Author| Speaker| Life And Business Coach. All rights reserved.

16 comments on “Finding Mr. Right the Godly Way by Elaine Broaster-White”

  1. Hello there Elaine,
    I am amazed at your courage and also your story. I’ve always had respect for you, but now I have even more. We all have a story to tell and I’m glad you told yours. The advice given in this exserpt is absolutely insightful and true.
    We, at one point or another have allowed someone to take advantage of us.However, as a child of God I believe all experiences are valuable, for they help carve/sculpt the ultimate you.
    I love you cousin and congratulations again on your nuptials.

    • Hey, cousin! I’m so glad you stopped by and showed us some love. I agree that it took Elaine courage to step outside of what she was used to and trust God to supply her with the kind of mate He handpicked especially for her. I think it’s great that she stressed the importance of her husband accepting her children as his own. Many women feel as though they can’t find a good man because they have children. Elaine’s story illustrates that this is not always the case. My favorite part of the story was how he proposed to her. That was so cute and so unexpected! I’m so proud of all the women who have shared their stories on the site. It took alot of courage. P, when will you tell your story on here? Holler at me!

    • Hi Cousin,

      Thanks for the encouragment! Yes, we all have a story and it’s real life. These are the things that all women go through no matter your socio economic status, race, age, eduaction etc. We are not exempt. It is not until we find our tru worth through God and positive uplifting relationships whether male or female do we realize this worth. I always say God does not waste any situations whether good, bad or indifferent. He’ll turn it around for our good if we allow him to.

      Remember whose you are and who you are!
      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  2. Elaine,
    this is a wonderful story of courage. I myself have been struggling with a relationship that has lasted too long out of a sense of comfortability. Thank you for showing me that I need to step out on faith.

    • Hi Kelli,

      I encourage you to get to know your worth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are victorious, you are the apple in God’s eye and most of all He loves you with an unconditional love.

      Remember whose you are and who you are!
      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  3. Elaine,

    this is a great story, I have found myself there on countless times and now I find myself asking God what next. After reading your story I’m going to allow God to be the driver.

    • Mikenda,

      I’m not sure of your personal situation. However, his word is true when he says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. I interpret that as as long as I include the Lord in my matters and ask for direction he’ll be the navigator. Yes, Mikenda allow him to be the driver and he’ll take you places you never thought you were qualified to go.

      Remember whose you are and who you are!
      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  4. Congratulations to you and your family! Truly God is a keeper and He does supply us with all of our needs! Thanks for sharing your story with us. It’s very encouraging to single, Christian mothers like me.

    • Quaina,

      First I would like to thank you for reading the article. I’m thankful that you were blessed and encouraged by my life and what has taken place. I encourage you to allow God to keep you. I know at times its hard and doesn’t seem humanly possible. But with God ALL things are possible.

      Remember whose you are and who you are!!
      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  5. OMG, Its funnii cause as I read your story it was as if I was living it w/you……oh yeah I was there for most of it! But I would like to take the time to tell U that I’m very proud to call U my cousin! I’ve always looked up to U (even if I’m older) once u MADE UR MIND TO GO BACK TO CHURCH HOLD HEARTLY. It gave me hope….as U know when I need someone to get a prayer thur….I call EB WHITE! JUST KNOW THAT U INSPIRE ME TO LET GO N LET GOD HAVE HIS WAY!

    • Jamillah,

      Thanks for taking the time to read this article. I pray that it inspired you as well as blessed you. Yes, you were there during that relationship. But to God Be The Blory that part of my life is over. However, I’m thankful for the experience.

      Remember whose you are and who you are!!
      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  6. Im very proud of U…….Im not sure if U know this or not but I look up to U. always have n some ways……..but if for nothing more then U being a great woman of GOD. I know w/GOD leading and guilding me…..my story will have a fairtale ending just as urs did…..keep doing what ur doing……and most of all KEEP GOD 1ST AND U WON’T GO WRONG……I LOVE U ALAINE{INSIDER}

    UR REALEST CUZIN
    THE SELL OUT{FORGOD}
    JAMILLAH

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