From the time I rededicated my life to Christ in 2004 up until 2008, I struggled with fornication and pre-marital sex. I found myself on a number of occasions going back on my word to God that I would never do it again until I was married. It was a constant battle that I wasn’t able to win on my own. When I say that I struggled that’s exactly what I did. I fought a war between good and evil, between what my flesh and body wanted and what my spirit wanted. In my opinion it’s not as easy to be celibate when you’ve already had a taste. You see I have two children and had been sexually active since my teenage years.

I kept finding myself in the same situation. I would be cool for three, six, even nine months at a time. And then something would trigger me like music, a person, television, or not really reading the Word and praying like I should have been. Ladies, be honest with yourself as to where you are spiritually. Truth be told; God already knows so you’re only lying to yourself. For me I couldn’t listen to certain kinds of music.  I couldn’t watch certain television shows like “Girlfriends” and I couldn’t surround myself with certain people because I knew they would try to deter me from my decision. There were times when I would leave church on Sunday and would be in the bed with someone that same evening. The crazy thing about it was that I thought I was strong enough to go on “dates” at eleven o’clock at night. Who was I fooling? I purposed in my mind before going out that I wouldn’t fall, I wouldn’t do it again! Sometimes I would cry during intercourse because I felt so guilty knowing that God had been so merciful towards me time and time again.

It wasn’t until I was in a committed relationship that I made an active and conscious decision that I would not continuously make a fool out of God. When the relationship first started I explained to the person that I would not have sex with him if we were not married. Surprisingly he was okay with it. I was so afraid of making the same mistake that I didn’t kiss this for man for like six to nine months into the relationship. Too many times I made the same mistake over and over again. And I didn’t want it to happen again. Through the Word of God, fellowshipping with positive woman, and prayer I was able to sustain myself for quite some time. It was truly a blessing that this young man didn’t question my beliefs or stance. He didn’t say one thing and showed me another. We dated every Friday evening before ten o’clock pm and we dated publicly. I was finally in control of my life and my choices. I didn’t allow the man I was with to dictate what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. Be steadfast and unmovable with your decisions especially those concerning God. When you make a conscious decision and effort please be careful who you share it with. People will either encourage or discourage you. I can recall people saying to me “don’t you wanna taste it before you get married”, “what if you don’t like it”, and “what if he doesn’t like you”? And on the flip side those positive, Godly people applauded my efforts. Keep in mind when you do things the way God intends for them to be done He’ll work all the other things out. Even if the relationship does not result in marriage you learned patience and temperance. You will also be strengthened and most of all please God.

Ladies, if you’re wondering if you could ever achieve celibacy, you can! All things are possible with God. He’s a keeper if you want to be kept. If you fall, get back up, dust yourself off, and ask for forgiveness. After all God, knew that day would come, but he still died for you because He sees the best in you!

Pointers to being single, saved and dating:

Strengthen yourself by reading your word, surrounding yourself with women who think like you, and praying

Be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle while dating

Be honest with the person you’re dating about your beliefs concerning pre-marital sex

Date publically

Date at a reasonable time; instead of having a dinner date do a lunch date.

Most of all, remember whose you are and who you are. Step out on faith!

You can do it, I did!

Be Blessed,

EB White

© 2012, Shalena D.I.V.A.- Author| Speaker| Life And Business Coach. All rights reserved.

11 comments on “Single, Saved and Dating by Elaine Broaster-White”

  1. This may be a dumb question, but what does it mean to date publically? Aren’t most dates out in the public? Please clarify this important point for me and the readers.

    • Shalena,

      Actually its not a dumb question. Dating publicly means that you date with or around other people. We all know that certain things will not happen if you and the person your dating is among other people. Many times we find ourselves dating after certain times of the day which may lead to us continuing or finishing the date behind closed doors with no one around. This can lead to a recipe for disaster. A date could possibly consist of watching a movie at your home or the other persons home. This is another reicpe for disaster. The environment and setting of the date plays a key part in the outcome of the date.

      Something else I falked to mention in the pointers:

      Ladies,

      Be conscious of your dress while dating! Certain style of clothing attracts certain attention. Be tasteful in your dress.

      EB White

  2. Elaine, it is so good to know that you (and others) have also fallen during celibacy. Often times, it seems as though we are the only ones making mistakes and falling off track, and as such we are extra hard on ourselves. It is good to be reminded that we are all only human. We may be striving for perfection, but we are human nonetheless. Indeed, we all fall short of the high calling. It’s amazing to have a God who will cast all our sins into the sea of forgetfullness, if we but ask honestly in His name. What a mighty God we serve! Thanks for sharing this guide to Christian courtship.

    • Quiana,

      Thanks for taking the time to read this article. I appreciate it.
      Many of us fall while trying to acheive celibacy. However, many are not transparent in this aspect. It would be the same if I for a period of time abstained from back biting and then one day I found myself talking about someone. As Christians WE judge sin. The bible that God is the judge. We are not perfect but with GOD we can be perfect and complete even with our shortcomings. The object is that if you fall don’t continue to fall. We serve a God that forgives, the WORD says that where sin abounds, grace abounds. Isn’t that awesome?

  3. Elaine, this is an awesome read and I applaud you for being honest and real in this post. Keep up the good work and continue to encourage those who are still in the struggle.

    Thanks::)

    • Kiesha,

      Thanks for reading the article. TO GOD BE THE GLORY! We all have some kind of struggle that we encounter on the daily basis and until we are honest with ourselves and God we will never overcome these struggles. It is only through GOD that all things are possible.

      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  4. Elain that was awesome. I commend you for sticking to what you believed would make you happy and for stepping out on faith. This is something that I continue to struggle with. With God’s grace this to shall pass. Love ya and I’m so happy for you!

    • Kish,

      Thanks for reading the article. This struggle is so common among CHRISTIAN singles. I believe the church needs to offer support groups for the single and saved…HMM! Again, I’m thankful the article encouraged and blessed you. All things are possible if you believe.

      Be Blessed,

      EB White

  5. Some of these “saved” single women need to really look at themselves to understand why they are single in the first place. One of the women on this site cheated with my husband and has the audacity to call herself a CHRISTIAN woman- a SAVED one at that! I AM HURT AND I AM ANGRY AND OUR FAMILY IS NOW BROKEN BECAUSE SHE SPOKE THAT DEMON TALK IN MY WEAK HUSBAN’S EAR. SHE KNOWINGLY AND SELFISHLY HAD SEX WITH MY HUSBAND WITHOUT REGARD FOR HIS WIFE OR FAMILY! THIS IS WHY WOMEN HATE EACH OTHER AND THIS IS WHY “CHURCH” WOMEN HAVE THE WORST REPUTATION EVER AND THIS IS WHY WOMEN LIKE MYSELF ARE NO LONGER ATTRACTED TO CHURCH- IT’S FULL OF DEVILS! I pray that each woman like the one that slept with my husband feels the pain that she dished out to virtuous women 10 fold and I hope that each day she lays in bed alone she remembers how she slept with another woman’s husband and a little girl’s father.

    • Katina, I can’t imagine finding out that my husband cheated on me with any woman let alone a woman that’s a believer. I empathize with you because I am a woman. I sympathize because I’m a woman who’s been cheated on and it hurt like nobodies business. I don’t know your complete story but I do know that we ALL have sinned and come short of the glory. The church is filled with ex-offenders and some that are still offenders of some sort. With EVERY sin there are consequences. My prayer for you is that the LORD heals your broken heart only like he can. My prayer for you today is that the LORD changes your mindset about church folk and the church only like He can. My prayer for you today is that God speaks to your heart and mind like only He can. My sister live on purpose today! HE knows all about your hurt, pain, and feelings of rejection because He’s GOD and most of all He’s touched by the feeling of your infirmity.

      Your in my prayers,

      EB-White

  6. Mrs. White,

    ( I say Mrs. out of respect. I don’t know whether or not you’re married and if not I pray I didn’t offend you. Just recieve your husband in the name of Jesus. =D ) I am happy that you wrote this article. I am a 20 year old (will be 21 in September) saved woman. I love God with my whole heart and I am living for him. As you can imagine, this is extremely hard because I am in college and to be totally honest majority of my friends (including my 2 best, 1 male and 1 female) are not serving God. I am a virgin. I am striving remain one until I get married. I constantly fight the battle between the flesh and spirit because ( to be blunt) there are so many fine men on campus! I would often get depressed because I would see all of my unsaved friends married and w/ kids and I would think ” God, why do I bother?”. I learned Satan will bless you to keep you =D. This article reinforced to me that I can be abstinent and that I am not the only one feeling this way. Thank you for giving some much needed support to a young women like myself. I needed it.

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