Babies Having Babies by Mikenda Early
May 30, 2010 by Mikenda Early
Filed under Teenage Love
Do you love me? If you love me, then prove it. Show me how much. This scenario happens on a day to day basis with our young girls. They are being asked to prove something that they barely know about, love. They are so busy trying to prove to these guys that they love them that they find themselves tricked into giving up the very essence of themselves—the very thing we talked to them about. As a parent, you know that conversation we have had with them a thousand times. “Don’t have sex before you’re married. Don’t put yourself in a situation where that could happen. If you think you’re ready please let me know. You can talk to me about anything so if a guy is asking you tell me.” But from experience, we know the moment the guy we think we love tells us that he loves us, all that goes out the window. All you start to think about is what he wants and not what your parents have taught you. That’s when the peer pressure comes in: “Girl, if you don’t have sex with him someone else will.” Then you buy into that hook, line and sinker. He promises you the world. He says he will use a condom, which he does at first. Then he states that if something happens and you get pregnant he will help you take care of the baby and you all can be like a real family. That’s how the seed is planted, you throw caution to the wind, and you start engaging in unprotected sex full aware of the risk, but not really caring because he said he would help you take care of the baby if you got pregnant.
While these young girls are giving up their essence, we as parents think they are listening and paying attention to what we have taught them. Then the very thing we warned them about happens, they become pregnant. Now this young lady finds herself trying to figure how to tell her parents that number one she’s pregnant; number two the boy she was sleeping with says the baby isn’t his—which happens all the time—and number three Mr. I’ll always be there for you has moved on to his next victim—and I say victim because that is what it is. A lot of our teen girls fall prey to this situation for more than one reason; they have low self esteem, they feel something is missing in their lives that they feel a baby will fill, or they just feel like if they give him everything he is asking for he will love them and never leave. Then they find themselves stuck with a baby they thought they wanted, but have no idea how to raise because they are still babies themselves and they are going through pregnancy changes as well as hormonal changes. Their bodies start changing from a child to a woman and they really don’t have a clue what is going on. Being a teen mother is something I can relate to. Being a teenage mother myself, I know how a young girl can get caught up in this epidemic that seems to be taking over our country. The hardships of being a teen mother are you missing out on so much, your school work taking a back seat because you have to focus on your baby, and no more hanging out with friends because the last thing they want to do is hang out with a crying infant. And these are the friends who encouraged you to have sex with him or someone else would. You become angry because while you’re taking care of the baby, the father is out there still being a kid and having fun. Your entire household has to change because of your decision. I used to find myself asking how did I allow myself to get caught in all the hype of having sex with a guy I knew deep down was playing me. I also asked myself was I missing something. Prior to getting pregnant, my household changed drastically and I thought I was no longer important so I allowed myself to believe that if I gave this older guy what he wanted then that void would be fulfilled. The void was fulfilled, but it was replaced with another one. You see I went from childhood to motherhood all in a split second, trying to struggle with different kind of emotions that I couldn’t understand. While you’re becoming depressed and withdrawn, all these emotions are being transferred to the baby you are caring. Teen pregnancy is the leading cause in low birth weights, pre-term labor, and gestational diabetes. You have to learn to think of someone else other than yourself.
If you are a mother reading this article I want you to take the time out to have a real talk with your daughters. Come to them not as mother, but as a listener. Ask them questions about what is going on in their lives. I wish I could say that there are certain things to look out for, but the truth is that it is not. I hid my sexual activity well until I couldn’t any longer. The key is just being open and honest with your daughters. As hard as it may be for you to believe this fact, 2/3 of teens are getting pregnant every day. So we must educate our daughters on all of the risks. I was so wrapped up in trying to prove my love and having unprotected sex with my boyfriend that it is only by the grace of God I didn’t contract any sexual transmitted diseases. If you are a teen girl reading this article, please outweigh the risk before you engage in unprotected sex because you could end up with more than just a baby. One quick decision will alter your life forever. Please go to www.pregnantteenhelp.org, www.stayteen.org, or www.4parents.gov. Educate yourselves and your daughters so you are not another statistic.
Mikenda Early is 32 years old and a mother of three. She currently resides in Nashville, TN. She’s working on her first fiction novel while attending Nashville State pursuing a degree in Nursing.
© 2010 – 2011, Shalena D.I.V.A.- Unleash the D.I.V.A. Within. All rights reserved.
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Mikenda, once again, girl, you did a great job on Babies having Babies. You hit everything on the head. Keep up the good work!
Geraldine
Thank you, Geraldine for your support. I feel God moving in my life and hat better way than to share with the world all he has brought me through and just maybe stop the cycle from continueing.
This is a great article, thanks for sharing and I know many can relate. I pray that it will open the eyes of many teens and parents.
Mikenda,
Well said! I have a daughter and it’s very important to me that I am truthful to her about the risks she faces everyday.
I don’t mean any harm, but I know a mother whose 16 yr old daughter got pregnant. The girl didn’t want to have an abortion, but she also made it clear that she didn’t want the baby. Now the mother told her that she’d keep the baby, just don’t put it up for adoption or anything. The girl would say, “I’m just carrying this baby. I’m not breastfeeding or taking care of this baby. It’s my mother’s baby. I’m noty having any more kids.” I wanted to slap her in the mouth. I believe that statement when I see pigs fly. So many girls say, I’m not going to get preggers again, but end up pregnant again and guess who’s taking care of baby #2—the same one who took care of baby #1. I understand that the mother wants her grandbaby to have a fair start at life, but she’s making her daughter think it’s ok to pop out babies and leave her young like a damn animal. Some parents enable these girls and then some rely on welfare to support them and their tribe.
i don’t think it the afdc make easy , it;s up to the mom n dad to look out 4 they kids , if we had mom n dad do the r thing with they kids ,they wood be out ther like that .
I think alot of women- young and old- just make alot of poor decisions that have dramatic affects on their lives. I see alot of older women who should know better and who should be doing better have babies and end up leaving them with their parents or the state to raise. Whether you are 16, 26 or 36..dont reproduce until you are financially mentally and emotionally stable to handle the alllll the burdens and sacrifices of parenting!
MTV four words…HECK YEAH…AND TELEVISION PROGRAMMING!
So many different reasons,and .MTV not helping the situation!
i was talkin about the same thing when the show came on like y would u televise somethin like that and the girls like im gonna get pregnant so i can get on the show where i work at can u believe that that show how much tv has an effect on a persons mind its crazy
I have sooo much to say on this issue…I don’t know where to stRt !!
Right shows like that misrepresents the main point in having shows like that. They need to scare these young women so that they wouldnt want to get pregnant. show the ladies living in a shelter with their baby…living on the streets …in a car…in abandon houses..stealing food to feed their babies. No they should not make light of the situation but show it at the extreme to scare young women to want better!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TO ALL THE ABOVE….DANGGGGGG
This is a problem that’s been around longer than MTV’s nonsense. A lot of it came from young girls thinking they would keep their boyfriends if she had their baby. Lack of (some times) home training. Or just being plain ol fast! Its difficult to stop for some reason many young girls think its cool to have these babies. Its noit cute at all & I believe many of these babies suffer terrible abuses!! I must mention tho there r many teenage mothers that di finish school, do college & get jobs & r taking care of them babies!!!!
Gene a lot of girls and women have babies to keep men. Smh… I am criticizing people who keep having kids not someone who had a child young… big difference.
Oh. There r those that continue having babies. I know a young lady that has 5 children & she’s holding down the fort! Providing nicely for hers! She moved south 2 years back & got them a house!! All by herself!! I give her much respect!!!
@Evonn I totally agree with what you said. We need gov programs. I just wait when folks take advantage of it and rely on it to support them. They make it harder for others.
But Shalena don’t u think that many of these girls r products/victims of similar upbringing?
Gene I’m talking about women who can’t provide for them. And yes they are products. The cycle continues.
Well they don’t know any better Shalena. Most of those girls don’t have the basic education. Hating say this in such a derogatory way, no disrespect, but all they know is f–king & popping out puppies!!!
That’s very sad if that’s the case…
Oh and one more thing. Alot of what you see on MTV are young girls who lack something in their lives. Come on Mook we from the projects that being surrounded by young girls having babies make you want one. I know it did make me want one. It’s some good parents out here trying to do their best by their children. Children do not come with manuals if they did it would make life so much more easier. You never no whats too much or too little. It’s all trial and error. Black girls have been getting pregnant in the hood at young ages for years. It reaches the burbs and now it’s a tv show…
Do u listen to some of these young women talk? I thought I was freaky until I heard some teenagers talk things that was news to my virgin ears!!!
Gene nobody needs to know about your tendencies. This is a PG page LOL
When I saw this program I was appalled that this kind of program would even be allowed… this is not the life of the rich and famous what in a teens tiny mind makes her/him think that we taxpayers should foot the bill for your free sex, most have 2 kids by age twenty between the food stamps, wic and welfare and they wear the pregnancy like a badge yet most of the parents do not say anything there is no more Madea, Grandma is 40 or less we accept it. WHY??? it is not acceptable at my house I preached that from the 1st Tampon day…:0)
I know that’s right Jasamine but what I want to know is why don’t it seem like any of these teen know that there are more things out there worst then pregnancy??
Those shows are basically a way to strt the white children on their without having to fall on the system. Not trying to be racist but there are more whites than blacks. And when these shows are recorded and aired, it’s like a job for them.
no mam….
this topic is a touchy one…..i was 22 and no ring …yet now im 29 and i still only have one child ! it’s gets hard at times and if i had 2 do it again i would …but i say if i had ….i have had a choice in the past 6 and a half yrs 2 w…rap it up…..our level of standards this day and age have hit rock bottom it seems …smh if ya a virgin thats a instance poke fun ? lets not even begin how it is 4 lil boys ? i try and i mean “try” 2 teach my son better because lil gurls get the talk and lil boys get the walk ? yea he might have 2 find his own way in life but that standard will still b in place !!! -again this is a touchy subject ….but i feel these babies being born r still blessing and a teaching tool 4 these parents ….soem adult women wantkids and cant have them …..so why these lil gurls ? idk what god is up 2 but one day it will all make sense….gov programs even if stressful 4 the tax payer still need 2 b in place !!! kids should b able 2 eat and live even if there parents dont know better….and if they struggle hard enough and make there way out the trenches and have some sense of selfworth …then they might think twice about bringing life in 2 this world….as i did im 29 and still trying 2 get it right !!!-2 God b the glory!!!!=-)See More
I read all of these statements and some a just wrong. I didn’t have my son until I was 27 years old and all my friends were fast in the a#@. You can put your child in private school be on their back every minute of the day but let’s all b…e realistic, in todays society even in a two parent home everybody has to work so you cant make choices for your child. It is up to him or her to do the right thing even when you aren’t there. Our high teenage pregnancy rate stems from an 80′s craze called crack. Crack left alot of kids to raise them selves which resulted in babies having babies, now that we have all these babies with babies and no big momma ( the woman with the most experience) everything is trial and error. Also ladies talk to your kids. Don’t lie to them let them know what the real is. They will respect and believe you more if you hold no punches..
I must say that nowadays we have PARENTS (MOTHERS) who are now taking their 12+year old daughters to meet boys. They say, “What’s wrong with that !!” They are dropping them off at the boys house, NOT checking to see if the other parents are… @ home. I think that its disgusting….because basically you are dropping your child off to have SEX !! Tell me, what’s wrong with some of the parents ??!
My 18 yr old wanted to go to the prom with a Guy that I’d NEVER met, I didn’t know his background or anything, and get this NEITHER did she. She had not seen him other than on FCBK..what a joke right. She begged and pleaded…My answer, “Heeeeck, NO !! That’s MY FINAL ANSWER !!” Doing that would have simply been saying that I don’t LOVE my child. She could’ve been raped if she wasn’t willing, or if She was..she could have come back home with something that stRts with a P and ends in nine months. That Guy would have gone on and pursued his plans for the future while she’s stuck with child. NOT IN MY HOUSE !!See More
@Tenean– I thank you for commenting and I agree with what you’ve said. I think that television, laxed parenting, and self esteem play a role in girls not valuing themselves. This is not a black or white issue. I see all kinds of teens sporting pregnant bellies like it’s cute. I also think everyone who commented spoke from a personal experience and commented on what they observed or lived.
Its true for some mothers. Who often feel like, well baby makes you an adult now. Being a mom doesn’t equal being a responsible adult.
good question, it really depends. it’s hard to think of what i would do, but if i had like a 14 year old , man that would be really hard because she would still be under my care. i have one boy because it must not have been something i could bear! thank u GOD!
My mother told me and my sister that she isn’t babysitting nay kids on demand. She said that she didn’t want us to get too comfortable and keep having babies– and we were grown. I think that parents who make it very comfortable for thier children– sons, too– cause them to think things are very sweet and that it’s okay to bring another baby into the world usually under the same circumstances. They don’t have to be responsible to an extent because mom or dad is there to pick up all of the slack. JMO…
@Janice and Lisa, I’m sure it’s a hard question because what grandmother wouldn’t want to see her grandbaby in the best health and well being. But I think some kids take advantage of that. I also know of young mothers who truly took on the role of being a mother and that deterred them from having more babies when they weren’t in a position to raise them on their own.
i agree, like i would not have a baby shower and nope i would not be a built in baby sitter, but i’d support as she was getting her education and stuff. I’d teach and train her how to be independent, NOT DEPENDENT. u wanna be grown , i’ll show u what it’s hitting for.
I have two girls. And all I can do is teach them, train them and prepare them- while also protecting them. Their father and I will do our best to ensure This doesn’t happen. However, none can predict the future, I put It in gods hands! I strongly approve of teaching abstinence, along side the knowledge of protection! I just don’t see how parents expect one to work successfully w/out the other. Just my take
@Lisa, I also know of some folks who didn’t attend a baby shower. They were like.. I don’t support that so count me out. I think I’d still go to a baby shower because it benefits the baby. My friend did buy a gift, but she didn’t go to the shower.
I am happy to say that all my kids waited til they were grown and on their own, cause I’m not babysitting all the time. THIS MY TIME!!!
no what i was saying is i wouldnt be that mother shoveling out hundreds of bucks to have a baby shower for her
@Lisa– Yes.. some moms go all out on those showers…
I knew of girls in high school that had more that had 3 babies by senior year bcuz they didn’t have to take of them. And I also knew a couple whose moms let them get back to back abortions.
Im not guilty of this specific act, but I am certainly guilty of over indulging my children to the point where they feel over entitled and self adsorbed. No, I dont think it is intentional, but the parents first instinct is to protect and comfort a child. So any parent that did accommodate a teen parent, I cant really pass any judgment on that.
@Gresathhokup– i totally understand your comment. It makes total sense.
cant say specifically cos more is to be done by the child herself and if she is nt ready to learn by the mistake then there is a problem. In anyway pls advice on best approach to the situation.
I don’t know… Oladele– I would say you have to make it clear to the child that you will not enable him or her. I would pray and ask other parents who have gone through similar situations. I think parents who allow their child to go on shows like MTV’s 16 and pregnant are dead wrong. Sure, the money is great, but it’s sending the wrong message. What about when the money and fame is over– I guess you’ll have another baby to get back on the hsow…
Yes. It’s happened in within my family REPEATEDLY in the same family. That’s why my cousin became a grandma at 32. Smh
Yes. The parents should practice tough love. I have seen a similar situation in my family and it was ridiculous.
u are talking about teenagers…my family was destroyed…my daughter is not a teenager …
My cousin was 15, a dropout with no intention of going back to school. Got pregnant and@6months I had her in a GED program at my job with the state – which she mastered. One flipping week left b4 she was to complete the program I was headed bck to college, told her to stick with it and I’d be back the following w/e for graduation. She never went back!! Had a baby before turning 16, 16 years and 3 more kids later she still wouldn’t and still won’t keep a job. Never worked longer than 10 weeks EVER. Never went back to school. Expects people to bow down to her. In bren this her brother has a child – no job, ALSO a dropout). Her mother coddled her repeatedly until this last baby – ONLY bcz the 1st child was now having a baby of her own at 16, also a dropout, now both mother and daughter was pregnant together – the 16 yr old has a baby 6 months older than her youngest sibling. Smh Then the other sister 20 yrs old – yes you guessed it another dropout with no job) has a baby before a year was over. The brother brings in baby #2 about 2-3 months ago. SMDH!! Y’all keeping up with this? 8 kids under the age of 18 (4 of them under the age of 2) and 3 adults all under one roof. All dependent on my “formerly retired” Aunt. One person caring for 21 other people? She could’ve stopped he bleeding long ago if she made her child get off her behind and be responsible for her actions instead of coddling her. Someone is probably announcing another pregnancy from that house as I type this!
Lovie—WOW!
It pisses me OFF bcz they had every opportunity given to them and they threw it away.
nothing is wrong with having more children it’s a blessing BUT YOU GOTTA KNOW THAT YOU’RE GOING TO WORK HARD AND HANDLE YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!!!!!!! when parents sit and do everything for their daughters or sons they feel is a flicking nursery and is not so! helping is fine but baby mama and baby father better know they were woman and man enough to lay down and “wuk” then they would hard “work” for their kids!