Ladies, imagine this. You meet the man of your dreams. He’s attractive, attentive, nurturing, funny, sexy, and is financially stable. He asks you out on a date and you happily accept. He not only takes you to a five star restaurant, he also makes you feel like the only woman in the world. Half way through dinner, you ask him more about his background and somewhere between his goals, his job, and interests, he mentions that he has children from a prior relationship. How should you proceed? Are the kids a deal breaker?
I used to avoid dating men with children, but as I got older, the pickings become a little slimmer. I then realized that if a man does have children, we shouldn’t cross him out of the little black book or delete from the celly. You may have to do some investigating. That’s where ShalenaD.I.V.A. comes in—take some of my advice so you can effectively manage the inevitable baby mama drama.
- Set Boundaries- If you and your new man desire to have a loving and trusting relationship, then he must set boundaries with his children’s mother(s). She can not have access to him at all hours of the night simply because Ray Ray wants to talk to him or needs sneakers. Understandably, children have various needs—the younger, the more needs they’ll have—but your man can’t play Superman and save the baby mama from all of her troubles.
- Distinguishing the Needy from the Manipulative- There are some respectable women who can truly hold their own and raise their children without the assistance of a man if that is the case. But there are those manipulative women who still want to be with the father of their children and will use their children as pawns. These women are very needy and often make the fathers feel guilty about not doing enough for the children. These women often ask for extra money, too. It amazes me how a manipulative baby mama can turn the strongest man into a wimp and get him to even take care of her children that aren’t his.
- Establish respectful relationships with the children- Having healthy and respectful relationships with the children is helpful because the baby mama may try to mess that up, too. She may even question the kid after he/ she comes over for a weekend with you and your man. Some trifling women encourage their children to disrespect daddy’s new love interest, so lay down the rule with the kid up front. They may not like you, but they should respect you.
- Acceptable Behavior- You must tell your man what is and is not acceptable behavior in regards to the baby mama. She should not have free reign to drop by the house whenever she wants to. She should not be calling your house or man for things that do not pertain to the child. Don’t accept the fact that they are friends. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, then don’t accept it.
Ladies, remember that men also determine what type of relationship they will have with their baby mommas. They determine how much access they will give to her. You must have standards and convey them to your man. He may not realize that his behavior with his baby’s mama is unacceptable, especially if that’s how they’ve always been. Also, you have to remember that there is history between them, so you have to accept that, too. Tread lightly and use a little common sense.
What do you think? Have you ever been in this situation? Would you date a man with kids? I’m dying to know what y’all think.
P.S. Remember, everything has beauty—including YOU. It just takes a true D.I.V.A to see it!
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