At one point in my life, I used to tell my family and certain close friends almost everything that was going on in my relationship. For the most part, they gave good advice, but it became overwhelming because everybody had an opinion about what I should do. I had so much chatter in my mind that I couldn’t hear myself think. Not only did some of my family and friends come to resent my fiancé for some of the things I shared with them, I found myself with a shrinking audience of people who’d listen to me after awhile. You see, your family and friends will start to tune you out whenever you come to them with your drama because they get tired of hearing it. When this happened to me, I looked to God for answers.
I have to be honest and admit that initially, I felt weird talking to God about problems I was having in my relationship. I felt like I was talking to myself because I was used to getting instant feedback from my best girlfriend. I missed hearing her chime in with her nasally “uh hun” and “I know exactly what you mean, girl.” I also missed the comfort I’d get from knowing that she could totally relate to what I was saying. Although I didn’t get that instant feedback whenever I talked to God about my problems, I realized that He did give me advice in His own way that proved more valuable than any advice I could’ve gotten from my family or friends. For example, one morning after my daily devotions, I came across a scripture in the Book of Proverbs that really helped me to not only get through the day, but to keep my cool in the face of otherwise trying circumstances.
If you’ve been in any type of romantic relationship, you know there are times when you two can’t seem to stand one another. I don’t know why this is the case, but it’s a reality for some couples. You can go through a few days of purposely saying as little as possible to one another. During these times, the least little thing your lover says can tick you off—and I mean the least little thing. For example, they can say that the sky is blue and you let them have it. “What you mean the sky is blue?” you ask with your eyes bulging out of their sockets and your neck cocked to the side. “What, you think I’m too dumb to know that the sky is blue!” In that instance, you acted a pure fool. The only thing you didn’t do in that situation was spin your head around 360 degrees like the Exorcist.
While I was going through this moody phase, the scripture that kept me was Proverbs 15:1- “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Before I would give a snarky answer, I’d think about this scripture and quickly change my tone. The interesting thing is that my calm response would catch my man off guard because he was expecting me to act like the Wicked Witch of the West. I really liked this new approach because it actually gave me power over my tongue and the situation. Later, I thanked God for leading me to that scripture and providing me with sound wisdom. Since then, I’ve used this piece of advice for all of my relationships and business dealings—and it’s worked. I continue to go to God and discuss all my problems with him and “leave them on the altar.” I really like doing things this way because it keeps external drama out of my relationship that I unwillingly invite in when I tell everybody my business.
The next time you have a problem in your relationship, try to go to God first and allow Him to lead and guide you instead of family and friends. His wisdom will not fail you. Can you relate to this situation?
Shalena Broaster tells her story in Souls of My Young Sisters: (Souls of My Sisters, an imprint of Kensington Publishing; June, 2010; $15.00; trade paperback), written and edited by Dawn Marie Daniels and Candace Sandy with a foreword by Madeline Smalls and Mary J. Blige. She joins sixty contributors who all tell their true stories, sharing their private pain in the hopes that it will inspire other women during difficult times.
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