From the time I rededicated my life to Christ in 2004 up until 2008, I struggled with fornication and pre-marital sex. I found myself on a number of occasions going back on my word to God that I would never do it again until I was married. It was a constant battle that I wasn’t able to win on my own. When I say that I struggled that’s exactly what I did. I fought a war between good and evil, between what my flesh and body wanted and what my spirit wanted. In my opinion it’s not as easy to be celibate when you’ve already had a taste. You see I have two children and had been sexually active since my teenage years.
I kept finding myself in the same situation. I would be cool for three, six, even nine months at a time. And then something would trigger me like music, a person, television, or not really reading the Word and praying like I should have been. Ladies, be honest with yourself as to where you are spiritually. Truth be told; God already knows so you’re only lying to yourself. For me I couldn’t listen to certain kinds of music. I couldn’t watch certain television shows like “Girlfriends” and I couldn’t surround myself with certain people because I knew they would try to deter me from my decision. There were times when I would leave church on Sunday and would be in the bed with someone that same evening. The crazy thing about it was that I thought I was strong enough to go on “dates” at eleven o’clock at night. Who was I fooling? I purposed in my mind before going out that I wouldn’t fall, I wouldn’t do it again! Sometimes I would cry during intercourse because I felt so guilty knowing that God had been so merciful towards me time and time again.
It wasn’t until I was in a committed relationship that I made an active and conscious decision that I would not continuously make a fool out of God. When the relationship first started I explained to the person that I would not have sex with him if we were not married. Surprisingly he was okay with it. I was so afraid of making the same mistake that I didn’t kiss this for man for like six to nine months into the relationship. Too many times I made the same mistake over and over again. And I didn’t want it to happen again. Through the Word of God, fellowshipping with positive woman, and prayer I was able to sustain myself for quite some time. It was truly a blessing that this young man didn’t question my beliefs or stance. He didn’t say one thing and showed me another. We dated every Friday evening before ten o’clock pm and we dated publicly. I was finally in control of my life and my choices. I didn’t allow the man I was with to dictate what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. Be steadfast and unmovable with your decisions especially those concerning God. When you make a conscious decision and effort please be careful who you share it with. People will either encourage or discourage you. I can recall people saying to me “don’t you wanna taste it before you get married”, “what if you don’t like it”, and “what if he doesn’t like you”? And on the flip side those positive, Godly people applauded my efforts. Keep in mind when you do things the way God intends for them to be done He’ll work all the other things out. Even if the relationship does not result in marriage you learned patience and temperance. You will also be strengthened and most of all please God.
Ladies, if you’re wondering if you could ever achieve celibacy, you can! All things are possible with God. He’s a keeper if you want to be kept. If you fall, get back up, dust yourself off, and ask for forgiveness. After all God, knew that day would come, but he still died for you because He sees the best in you!
Pointers to being single, saved and dating:
Strengthen yourself by reading your word, surrounding yourself with women who think like you, and praying
Be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle while dating
Be honest with the person you’re dating about your beliefs concerning pre-marital sex
Date at a reasonable time; instead of having a dinner date do a lunch date.
Most of all, remember whose you are and who you are. Step out on faith!
You can do it, I did!
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