I recently got involved with a man whose wife committed suicide two years ago. He has his good days along with the bad days, but all in all he’s still grieving. He was awakened the other morning by a horrible dream in which he relived the funeral scenario all over again. This caused him to become very emotional, and break down and cry. I didn’t know what to say except that everything is going to be okay. After our conversation I immediately began praying for him. However, I found myself needing to reach out to talk to someone. I want to be there and help him, but I don’t know how. I told him that I would back off and give him all the time and space that he needed. He then sends me a text message stating that he needs to get himself together and he understands if I feel the need to move on. Moving on isn’t an option for me. I want to be there and be with this man, but through all of his heartache and pain he isn’t able to understand. I’m wondering if he can love me as much as he loved his wife, or am I simply wasting my time by competing with a dead spirit.
Dear Moving on is not an option,Losing a spouse or any loved one is hard. You have to keep in mind that time and patience heal all wounds and that you have to be his prayer warrior during his time of need. If you really and truly love this man you have to be by his side even if it’s from afar. Help him by sending him daily scriptures to get him through his time of grieving. He may feel like he was the cause of her actions. No one knows why a person makes the choices that they make. He probably wishes that he was there to save her or could’ve prevented this tragedy somehow. You being a strong and virtuous woman will help him through his grieving process. Just pray that God sent you in his life to be a beacon of light. There had to be something there for him to allow you into his life despite what he is going through right now.
If you can express your feelings by showing him your unconditional love and compassion for his feelings he will get through this. Although his deceased wife will never leave his memory, it is possible for you and him to create new and wonderful memories together. Try to live in the moments with him and celebrate her life. Being a strong woman doesn’t mean just being there it means excepting it all to bring life back into his world by celebrating all the birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions. When and if he decides to move forward toward a loving and healthy relationship with you, celebrate life and don’t allow the memory of a tragedy to stir old wounds over and over again.
Chantel “Designer of Love” Rogers
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